Overdue to Purge
October 2023
I've spent a lifetime accumulating beautiful things. Beauty is my oxygen. We bought artwork before we bought food. I still wear clothes with glee that I've kept for years, remembering the 'when' and 'where' of each memory that now becomes part of the threads that make it so hard to let go. I still have my children's painted handprint on plaster-of-paris from when they were 3, baby teeth left behind by the tooth fairy, and photo albums that document 50+ years of our life! I'm overdue for a gargantuan purge!
My friend, Rena Huber, tells me it's time for a closet audit! My closet is a great place to start, I can hardly breathe in there! It's Truth-Telling Time: my body is changing and/or the threads by age alone, are starting to come undone. Even my shoes don't fit anymore!
We have downsized three times in the last 20 years, so you'd think I would have this down by now. Today, I look at every painting, every place setting, every sheet set in question. I imagine living life with less. I know that everything I own still has life in it that others would enjoy. I'm motivated like never before!
Yet, I have many friends who have lived in the same house for 50 years, large boxes taped shut in their garage, unopened cupboards, artwork that shows faded painted walls. When I ask why they are not digging in to what's behind the curtain, they, almost arrogantly announce, "My kids will figure this out so I don't have to!" Really? You want your children to have this responsibility without you?
I get it. It's uncomfortable to get in touch with our own immortality. Denial rears its ugly head, and so you do nothing but continue to accumulate. Tomorrow does come for us all. No one can stay at the party forever! How do you light a fire under people to start going through their stuff while they are healthy enough and not procrastinate until it is too late?
Motivating someone to tackle tasks, especially emotional ones going through accumulated possessions, requires a combination of empathy, understanding, and the right approach.
Here are some tips you might want to consider:
- Make this a shared activity. Offer to help them sort through their belongings...have a Purge Party! What a great opportunity for bonding, reminiscing, and sharing stories. Laugh together.
- Celebrate Progress. Every box sorted or closet cleared is an achievement. Celebrate these small victories to help reduce overwhelm...sharing a sweet treat at completion of each task makes the memory last.
- Have a plan. Before you begin decluttering, decide on your options: keep (for now), donate, sell, or trash. Be ruthless. It's easy to get sentimental, but it's important. My granddaughter helped me with this: 'Do you love it, Nana?' That question gave me a choice, each time she asked.
- Consider Legacy Gifts. Barry's Grandfather gave him 35 silver dollars years ago...what do you do with these? We have 5 grandchildren. We created 5 bundles with 7 silver dollars each, including several older coins in each bundle that may be of greater value. What a fun afternoon sharing these! We were grateful to enjoy that moment together!
Remember, the goal isn't to have all the answers or to solve the discomfort around mortality. It's about opening up the conversation, reflection, and preparation before a crisis demands this time. Having the choice about this part of your journey, allows you to give to others. To me, there's no greater joy!
If this task feels too emotional or overwhelming, we can talk about it. Perhaps I can help: Susan@SusanLBrooks.com.
Featured Modern Elder*
Laurie Johnson, Psychic
Age 69.75
When I received Laurie's latest blog, I froze in fear for her. That's what we do when we hear the whispers about death and dying, right? Resist! Deny! Fight for another day! Why are we always surprised? We already know everyone passes, you can't stay at the party forever...no one can!
I read further:
"Simply said, I have reached the end of my road. My body is shutting down on me, kidneys, heart, the whole thing. I'm not in any pain, but I am weak. My 70th birthday is coming October 23 and I probably won't make it. I am at peace with this."
Fortunately, Laurie agreed to my request for an interview. I furiously wrote down her every word so I could share this with you. Please understand that Laurie has been a psychic all her life, in spite of her Christian upbringing. She's been talking with angels since she was 4 years old. She's very familiar with the energies and the other side of the spiritual realm.
"My karma is finished. This is the completion of my lifetime. I've done everything I've wanted to do. I knew I didn't want to be a mother, but it was important that children come from me. Being a surrogate mother allowed me that legacy, while giving me the experience of pregnancy and birth."
"I have no health insurance, whatever is going to happen, I want no treatment. Since Covid 2020, what started as digestive issues built up until August 2023 when I was told about possible cancer and renal failure. I'm bone tired for 2.5 years. Getting cancer is a karmic relief! I want no intervention. One of my clients offered her services as a death dula, and I accepted this gift."
"I'm here in service to others. I've learned a whole new perspective on time and acceptance. I'm getting weaker every day, so I know I'm using up my energy as each day goes by."
What is your advice to others, I asked.
"Look at the bigger picture...without fear. Talk to the angels. The door to the other side is open. Surrender, knowing that information is going to come to you. Think for yourself! Find God yourself! The best thing about knowing you're going to die is the peace this brings. In ego-land, you might feel you haven't done enough...peace brings you the wisdom that you are just fine, exactly the way you are."
There is a book that Laurie used and highly recommends because it gave her a plan in getting her and her things in order: I'm Dead, Now What? By Peter Pauper Press.
"I'm grateful to have had some time to organize and clear things up so I don't leave a burden for anyone. I will be posting some of my belongings that others might want. I have four rescued kitties who need a home. Any help you can give to happily rehome them would be appreciated."
"I love this planet. I've loved my life. I've accomplished wonderful things. I have no regrets. But I am tired. As I face the next step, I am filled only with gratitude. And that's a good way to go. Several of my clients have asked that I visit them from the other side...chances are once I'm gone, I'm just gone."
Almost to the day, one month before Laurie's 70th Birthday on September 20, Laurie passed on, quietly and in peace. Thank you, Laurie, for sharing your refreshing perspective and wisdom on a subject we never think or talk about...until we are where you are today. Go in peace, Laurie Johnson!
Thank you also to Judy Schriener, a dear friend to us both, for your willingness to run interference between Laurie and me when technology broke down during this interview. I am honored to share Laurie's story and lessons, and I know Laurie is grateful, too.
*Chip Conley, best-selling author and speaker, hospitality entrepreneur and leading thought leader, created The Modern Elder Academy's mission "to inspire the ability to reframe a lifetime of experience and recognize one's mastery, relevance, and value in the modern workplace." The Modern Elder* is Conley's term and effort that "liberates and inspires us to embrace wisdom as a path of growing whole, not old...The Modern Elder*marries wisdom and curiosity."
Every month this newsletter will Feature the stories and wisdom of Modern Elders*. Please send in your Modern Elder* nomination. CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT
Today, I am 77 years old, and proud of it! Paul Simon, who is now in his 80's said it best years ago: us boomers were BORN AT THE RIGHT TIME!
Yes, I was born at the right time! I'm still a hippie from the 60's, I marched for civil rights for all humans, equal rights for women, waving my bra with the best. I am proud to be living and growing in a robust marriage of 57 years. I survived motherhood, and so did my now-adult children. I was an award-winning woman business owner when there were but a few of us. I've learned a whole bunch of lessons, and more importantly, I've earned my fair share of Wisdom, too. I am Pro-Age!
According to Chip Conley, one of today's leading thought leaders: "Experience is making a comeback. Wisdom never grows old." Chip created the hallmarks of the Modern Elder*: "learning to marry wisdom and experience with curiosity, cultivating a beginner's mind so that learning never ends, exemplifying a willingness to evolve both as a student and sage." Research shows that shifting our mindset about Aging can add 7.4 happy years to a person's life.
Proud to say I am a graduate of the Modern Elder Academy as well as an active participant in Wise Aging: Living with Joy, Resilience, and Spirit programs. As one of the creators and hosts of the Thrive@55 event, we celebrated our female community leaders who were 55+.
As long as I'm able to see the sunrise every morning and keep a curious mind, there's more living to do, so much more to learn, and so many new ways to serve. Trailblazer that I am, and always will be, I recognize my next mission: by example and demonstration I am committed to Changing the Face of Aging: One Modern Elder* at a time!
I welcome both local and national speaking engagements as well as one-on-one coaching opportunities to delve more deeply into navigating life transitions. Email me Here.
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